Employer's Profile of "Non Slackus Mentus" (The Mighty Slacker)

You know, running a successful business isn't all that difficult. In fact, it's rather easy -- with the right people.

But out there in the masses of the employable hide a breed that often go unknown to the general public. As an adventure seeker, I have had the fortunate experience of profiling this population segment that plagues corporate America and small businesses alike: the slacker.

We begin at the interview process, where the mighty slacker stalks its prey. Oftentimes, the slacker's undiscriminating choice of employment will allow it to adapt to many different environments, from haphazardly cooking your french fries, to, yes, even web site development.

After thoroughly screening the slacker's three page resume and corresponding degrees, do not underestimate the slacker, for its skills are unparalleled. It can present itself as a hard working employee with incredible accuracy, carefully hiding it's cache of instant messenger conversations under the task bar, or behind the Internet Explorer. The slacker's ability to emulate sounds of productivity is a particularly common trait, when senior staff is within audible range.

Upon identifying a slacker in your midsts, usually through lack of results, do not approach the slacker, for you will find it impossible to effectively fire the beast without some type of undesirable consequence. The slacker may invoke its dubious skills to defame you over your disappointment in their expertise at keeping AOL Instant Messenger the most popular instant messaging software on Earth.

My experiences with the slacker range from being thrown over a desk, to being sued after losing major clients due to their inability to complete projects based on their resume skillset.As employers, how do we keep from being duped by the slacker?

In truth, employers never be safe from those looking for a quick paycheck, but the next time you suspect the undercover slacker visits your organization during an interview, think back to this account of experience, and remember: no one is immune.

Be vigilant in your hiring practices, my fellow entrepreneurs! If we keep rooting out the slackers, eventually they'll have to adhere to the same ethics our hard working, productive employees do.


(Editor's Note: God bless people who do cook french fries for a living, and do it with passion. I think about you every time I'm in a hurry to eat, no joke.)